Panty-Meme Pony

Now I've gone and cooked my own goose. After several of us taunted, bullied, and threw root vegetables at Greenwoman on Twitter, she went ahead and rose to the challenge of creating a meme entirely based on the theme of panties. That's right, undergarments.

I'd rather not go into the sordid history of this meme.

The rules are, of course, copy the questions, answer them, and tag others to do the same.

What do you call your panties/underwear/undergarments? Do you have any commonly used nicknames for them?
I call them Turtledove, Strümgang, and Misty.

Have you ever had that supposedly common dream of being in a crowded place in only your underwear?
Yes, and the worst part is that I was wearing them on my head—not on my nethers!

What is the worst thing you can think of to make panties out of?
Brussels sprouts, rutabaga shavings, and discarded vampire fangs.

If you were a pair of panties, what color would you be, and WHY?
Puce. Puce Panties is pleasantly and pulchritudinously alliterative!

Have you ever thrown your panties/underwear at a rock star or other celebrity? If so, which one(s)? If not, which one(s) WOULD you throw your panties/underwear at, given the opportunity?
I would throw my (clean and freshly-laundered) panties at Greenwoman.

You’re out of clean panties. What do you do?
If I dare
I shall wear no underwear
The wind will whip and whistle
Through my nether hair
If I dare

[too bad I missed the Poetry Schmoetry meme, eh?]

Are you old enough to remember Underoos? If so, did you have any? Which ones?
Yes! And I never got them! Just like I never got a Big Wheel and a PONY. Mom? Mom?!! Oh yeah, you don't read my blog (and don't even know about it) which is why I can say "fuckity fuck fuck" without worrying. But, mother, you are growing on in years. Perhaps it is time to introduce you to the frenetic author you birthed from your loins.

If you could have any message printed on your panties, what would it be?
Liquor in the front. Poker in the rear.

How many bloggers does it take to put panties on a goat?
17.

Tag Four People and tell them why you are being so cruel to them.       
1. Cherie of Ready. Write. Go. Because she is a marvelous member of the ever-ridiculous and awesome GOAT POSSE. (#goatposse)
2. Bethany.  Because she will bring it in all the ways that it should be broughten! (Dirty martini ruins grammar.)
3. Tracey Hansen. If it involves panties and perversion, she may not be left out of it.
3. Suzanne Payne. This charming woman keeps showing up on Twitter with funny comments, and now she must pay the price of the panty meme!

After the Rapture: What Was Taken and What Was Left Behind?

The rapture done come and gone, and some things were snatched by God. Others were left behind on this dreadful ball of doom we call Earth. Now we have to live with this nonsense until October, when even these pancakes (below) and their ilk will be destroyed.

These hideous and misshapen pancakes were deemed unfit for the Lord, and were left behind to sink into a fiery crevasse.

Jonathan Snartzhugh, part-time laborer, was Raptured right off his ladder, leaving only a lone chicken nugget which fell out of his surprised maw onto the pavement below.

The shopping cart known as "Big Red" was belched forth from its grave during the Judgment, and carried straight up to the arms of God, who immediately filled it with nutritious organic vegetables and overpriced products from Whole Foods.

Schtincky Teddy was instantly raptured and rose unto Heaven. Mousie, left behind, tried to grab at the ascending ankles of the fragrant teddy bear, but was, alas, too slow.

A good Christian bunny rabbit, about to be caught in a nefarious heathen trap, was raptured right before succumbing to the lure of the bad carrot of Atheistic Irresponsibility. Note: The child in the background was raptured after he fulfilled his "time out" for naughty behavior.

"No." —God

Evil Grubby Baby, aka "The Trumpet of God," decides who shall rise and who shall perish: My Little Pony "Star Shine" version, or The Party Pony?

Star Shine is cast down! Burn, Star Shine, for you are a plastic thing from the bowels of Hasbro, and will not be raptured. You have bulbous eyes. I once loved to comb your hair with the Pretty Purple Comb, but your vanity and licentiousness have doomed you. Your stubby purple wings will fly you only to the Hot Place.