Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Santa's Motheaten Workshop

Over Labor Day weekend we went to Lake Placid, which is remarkably close to the wonder that is known as Santa's Workshop. Boasting its own post office (North Pole, NY), it's a theme park for all things Christmas and kitsch. The dreadful fact is that Santa and his motheaten reindeer have seen better days. A train rumbles by tumbledown cabins. Santa and the Mrs. sit in a little house with a fake, electric fire in the hearth. And there is even a sketchy-looking mini-rollercoaster and a ferris wheel for infants! The cost for two adults and two children? A painful 77 bucks, and I enjoyed every penny, I tell you! Herewith, my photo essay.

Frosty, the stuff of nightmares.

Mrrrranda Mouse. Note the gnawed-upon nose.

Chris Moose. Stoned teen: "Hey Chris, got yer stash?" Moose: "It's in my sock."

Sam and Sandy, the singing duo of Rag Doll Romp. I have never heard such horrible singing.

Feral reindeer with glued-on antlers. We fed them wafers as they sat fat and filled with hate in their pens.

Rowdy Reindeer. Headed to the Pain Cave for a smoke break, man.

Weird nativity play performed with no thought for the nearsighted, on a hillside far, far away. Stoned teens' acting is astounding!


Anonymous said...


Your finest photo essay yet! That place just looks, in the membrane.

77 bucks??!! Wowzer! Was there at least a massage with a "happy ending"?

Old NH

Anonymous said...

My brain hurts from looking at the photos. I mean, with the $77 admission they are charging, you'd think the admin team could get some old lady to do some sew and patch on the dilapidated mouse nose! What's the mouse's nose so worn out from, anyway? Hmm..pause for wonder. Who knew such surreal and magically nightmarish places existed in our exciting nation??!

Jack Silbert said...

Terrific!!! Why is Frosty wearing a housedress?? Mind-boggling.

Last weekend in Times Square there was someone in an Elmo outfit out on the sidewalk, posing with passersby. But then I noticed how filthy the costume was. And that he was not standing anywhere near a store that would be associated with Sesame Workshop characters.

The world is a sad, creepy place. And hooray for that.

Anonymous said...

How did I miss this???? OK, I did get to bond with the boys over eggs and toast (the adults were outraged at the existence of the beetlejuice beverage, thankfully the children couldn't read the menu). hojo's doesn't hold a candle to santa's prozac parlor.

heres to better planning next year. i expect to be invited to all depressing creepy events. if only to feel superior.