On Saturday the boys and I, along with visiting friends, decided to make the best of a gloomy day and have a parade. Hurrah! We donned lemur tails and ears, made a flag that read "The Prwade," and marched down the street to much fanfare and song. But our merry parade turned into a diabolical death-march in icy winds, with a tyrannical 5-year-old as our leader.
This is that story.
In the driveway.
MINI MACHIAVELLI: Everyone needs to do what I say. I am the leader!
BABY SUNSHINE: Yayayayaya.
LE PETIT LEMUR: My Band-Aid fell off. It must have runned out of stick.
MINI MACHIAVELLI: Stop talking about that. We are now marching in a prwade. I am the leader of the prwade. You will follow me.
The parade begins.
LE PETIT LEMUR: [Hums a song.]
MINI MACHIAVELLI: Your humming is annoying to me. Stop now!
LE PETIT LEMUR: [Continues to hum.]
MINI MACHIAVELLI: This humming is aggravating. You will not get a prize!
BABY SUNSHINE: Guh! Guh! Guh!
LE PETIT LEMUR: I want a prize.
MINI MACHIAVELLI: No prize for you!
He stops to state the rules.
MINI MACHIAVELLI: Number One Rule: Do not go in the street.
Number Two Rule: Do not step on the grass.
Number Three Rule: Do not climb trees.
Number Four Rule: Do not chop down trees or houses.
Number Five Rule: Do not kill people.
They march. The winds grow colder. The singing is weak.
MINI MACHIAVELLI: Stop! I do not hear singing.
LE PETIT LEMUR begins to dance.
MINI MACHIAVELLI: Did I say dancing was okay? Be still now.
BABY SUNSHINE: Nanananana!
MINI MACHIAVELLI: Halt! [All stop.] If you see an animal, don't touch it. Look at it, and let it go on its own.
Many grueling minutes later.
MINI MACHIAVELLI: Baby, you will get a prize. Mommy, you will not get a prize. You did not sing when you needed to sing, and you took your clothes off during the pawade.
MINI MACHIAVELLI: You took your tail off.
LE PETIT LEMUR: Prize! Prize! Prize! [Wild tears.]
MINI MACHIAVELLI: I will come back to you later. Silence! Now, who is next? I will decide on the prizes.
All are silent.
MINI MACHIAVELLI: Inside!
He gestures to the door. The parade members meekly obey.