Monday, November 28, 2011


 I have picked zee winners out of my magical randomizing hat! And they are:

1. Jennifer of Serendipity's Library!
2. Angela Cook!
3. Stacey!
4. Lisa Ann!

I will divide the book into neat mathematical portions and send them your way. Rah!
Check in next time for another chance to win.


Yo, Book Sluts! I'm back. And, in honor of Cyborg Monday, I'm going to give away a big ol' pile of books. I have ARCs, new titles, and even a CD set.

These books keep creeping around my desk with their pages ruffling mournfully, begging to be read. (The CD set just lies there like a lump.)

"Fie on you, books!" I say. "Can you not see that I am working hard here at gazing listlessly into space and pushing this paperclip back and forth, back and forth, while dreaming of revenge against my enemies? I have not time to read all of you. I can read only one of you today!"

They fling themselves at me in anger, slapping me with their inky pages, but I will not be deterred.

"However!" I shout. "I will find you loving homes. I will do so today."

The books are mollifed....for now. Enter this giveaway post haste so I can speed them on their way into your eager arms! (The books are really very tame. Pay no mind to my hyperbole.)

The rules are simple for this giveaway:
1. Leave me a comment with a way to contact you should you win (if certain titles appeal to you, say so!)
2. Follow my blog
3. Tweet at least once about this giveaway, and please tag me @feralpony so I see it (if you don't tweet then just send me some good karma/prayer/what have you. Something like "Gee whiz, I sure hope that nice Party Pony blogger gets a pile of money in her mailbox today!")
4. If you write a blog post about this giveaway you get super ginormous points
5. Thank something, anything, for your life. Right now. You are golden.

I will pick winners a couple of days. Good luck!

A red dog named "Clifford"? Hmmm.

Anyone seen this movie yet? It sounds amazing.

ARC, ARC, The Clockwork Dark!

That cobra gonna bite cha!

I like authors named "Jennifer."

Ooh, I read Life as We Knew It and it was so understated, yet so believable and compelling in the end.

I think she is going for the "hot librarian" look.

Another author named Jennifer! Is this a trend?

Stephen King endorses it!

Dat be blood dripping from that microphone!

The CD set. Suzanne Collins endorses it!

MG fun.

Please tell me the "J" stands for Jennifer!

I am running out of steam to write captions. How many books are left?

Is that fish carnivorous?

Plucky kids, I'll wager!

Recognize that look? Hot librarian!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Scary as Shit Children's Book Illustrations (Part 1)

For Christmas, Santa has brought you menacing stuffies with blood-red eyes. Plus, they are infested with rodents.

"Hello Jibboo! Have we met before in another creepy, dark alley?
Why do you peck me in the duodenum with your awful beak?"

Greetings! Is this the hindquarters of the Pickle Creature, or its forequarters? Either way, it's damnably happy!

"Dance, monkey, dance!" chortled lascivious old Grandfather Bunny. And the bunnies leapt to his foul command.

"Enter my lair and feast on my trotters! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!"
(The Party Pig would have been an awesome blog name. Damn!)

"Then there were dolls—dolls with blue eyes and yellow curls,
dolls with brown eyes and brown curls,
and the funniest little toy clown you ever saw...."

"Kill, kill, KILL!"

"Mmm, what up, Danny Beaver? It's so hot, Danny Beaver," groaned Rabbit. "Come sit in the grass with me. You like my fluffy white tail? You wanna get you summa that? Maybe you like a lick-a my ice cream? "

"My nice monkey friends skinned me! I will now watch my skin dangling from a telephone wire. That's really weird."

Saturday, November 12, 2011

My Holiday Catalogue: Gifts That Will Inspire Ire, Spittle, and Occasional Terror

It's a star. On top of a tree. This is why it qualifies for "Inventor's Corner." Because it's a star. On top of a tree! (They trademarked "menorahment" so don't you try to borrow it.)

This guy's nickname in high school was "The Slanket." He touched girls underneath big blankets then, too, but now the girls can't get out because his patented "The Slanket (R) Siamese" is actually like a big molesto-sack!

What's really in that bottle of "Go Away Gray"? Is it really "Go Away My Weak Flaccid Weiner"? Mmm, mmm, she seems to think so!

Well, you had me at "the secret is in the soft silicone poly magnetic feelers that soothingly manipulate..."

Auntie June in a Box; fits neatly under the bed for winter storage. Emerges fresh and lifelike!

Is the cat pooing, do we think, while this photograph was taken? Or tinkling? Or both? And of what is he thinking? Philosophy? The world economy? Gnawing on your nads? It is a subject of much debate among shoppers everywhere.

Yummy home-grown fungus in a box! I so can't wait to eat this.

Keep recalcitrant employees captive at their desks with the "shoe boot." No more two-hour lunch "hours" and gossip by the water cooler. Plus, they will have toned metatarsels.

He doesn't look bashful. He looks kill-ful! He's GOING TO FUCK UP YOUR SHIT! Happy holidays.

This is funniest when you're bald. In fact, it's a laugh a minute! Precisely one laugh per minute, until doomsday arrives and/or bald uncle Jimmy swings his golf club at your scampering rump.