Saturday, November 19, 2011

Scary as Shit Children's Book Illustrations (Part 1)

For Christmas, Santa has brought you menacing stuffies with blood-red eyes. Plus, they are infested with rodents.

"Hello Jibboo! Have we met before in another creepy, dark alley?
Why do you peck me in the duodenum with your awful beak?"

Greetings! Is this the hindquarters of the Pickle Creature, or its forequarters? Either way, it's damnably happy!

"Dance, monkey, dance!" chortled lascivious old Grandfather Bunny. And the bunnies leapt to his foul command.

"Enter my lair and feast on my trotters! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!"
(The Party Pig would have been an awesome blog name. Damn!)

"Then there were dolls—dolls with blue eyes and yellow curls,
dolls with brown eyes and brown curls,
and the funniest little toy clown you ever saw...."

"Kill, kill, KILL!"

"Mmm, what up, Danny Beaver? It's so hot, Danny Beaver," groaned Rabbit. "Come sit in the grass with me. You like my fluffy white tail? You wanna get you summa that? Maybe you like a lick-a my ice cream? "

"My nice monkey friends skinned me! I will now watch my skin dangling from a telephone wire. That's really weird."


Anita Grace Howard said...

ROFL!! Oh, that Rabbit is SUCH a tease. Who could resist a tail like that?

Just sayin'.

P.S. Thanks Daddy, for never reading to me. I owe my mental health to you. HEE

LisaAnn said...

Oh my gosh, so I tried to list your blog on MY blog under my "favorite blogs of all time" list, and I was getting so frustrated when I couldn't get it to come up on my blog list.

I thought there must be some weird glitch on my computer, so I came to your blog and hit the "follow" button, and... OH MY GOD, it appears I have never officially become a follower over here!

I am... so... shamed. :(

Riley Redgate said...

can... not... unsee... beaver picture...

The Rake said...

I like fluffy TAIL! And i luv licking creamy ICE!

I also morover however like AWEsomE SINKS! !!!

THis was HANN! awsome

Anonymous said...

That CLOWN. Those pretty pretty dollies with their DEAD EYES!!!!!!!

Angela V. Cook said...

am I the only one who got slightly freaked out by the picture of the dad with the kids around him?? He kind of looks like a pedophile poster child. *shivers*.

Catherine Stine said...

Funny stuff! And those Grimms Fairy Tales too. I always thought clowns were scary! Ever see the film Killer Klowns from Outer Space?

cherie said...

Oh my word. I may have nightmares now. Possibly.


By the way, I'm glad the comment section is fixed now. Last week, I couldn't find it, and then your posts (when I refreshed) got all mashed up together. Don't know what happened. Thought for a sec your blog got possessed or something.

Glad it's working now.

And, another btw, Happy Thanksgiving! I love you and I'm grateful for you! <3 <3 <3

Jenny Phresh said...

@Cherie My comments section was mangled AND my blog was a mashed-up mess! So happy to see you back
Thanks everyone for being patient and coming back to make funny comments.
@Anita and Angela I thought the same thing about that Daddy....creepadelic.
@LisaAnn All is forgiven, of course!
@ Riley and Tori Please send therapy bills.
@Catherine Clowns are dreadful! Have never seen that film but will look into it...indeed I shall. But not too far into it!
Happy Thanksgiving all!

Bethany C. said...

This is exactly why I decided not to write children's books--no one would get my humor.

Jennifer said...

OMG these are great....the clown one will give me nightmares!

Elisabeth Hirsch said...

Soo fun. Tweeted and I'm already a follower :)