Monday, June 16, 2008

The Evil Dentist

This is a cautionary tale for those of you who are looking for a good dentist in the New Rochelle area.

When my little boys needed their first dental visit, I got a few names from Met Life and scheduled an appointment for both of them with Dr. Nolan Krinick of New Rochelle. He was close and convenient, and claimed to be a pediatric dentist.

We arrived and noticed that the office stank of cigar smoke. This was a bad sign, but maybe Dr. Krinick's fellow tenant in the building was responsible? There were also no child-friendly items in the waiting room, but maybe Dr. Krinick was just all about teeth and no frills. The place was kind of dingy, too, and the receptionist was a crummy-looking old bird.

The boys were clearly terrified but we told them it was OK, the dentist was just going to look at their teeth. Dentists are nice guys! When he came in, he looked annoyed to see children in his office. In fact, hatred and disdain for children dripped from the man's countenance. If he had snarled and a a bead of saliva had dripped from one unnaturally-sharpened fang, I would not have been surprised.

He glared at them impatiently and barked out: "Who's first?" We tried the older boy in the chair first, but he was so struck with terror that we decided to put the little one in the chair instead. The dentist tried without avail to open the boy's mouth, and then turned to us with a gesture of complete impatience. "I can't conduct the exam if he won't cooperate!" he muttered. "Open the kid's mouth!"

How? "Hang him upside down," said Doctor Krinick. "That gets them to open their mouths."

Invoking a spirit of fun sort of thing, we actually tried--for about two seconds. (How horrid to admit.) Our little boy screamed, his mouth opened, and the dentist peeked inside. He muttered that the frenum--a little flap of skin/muscle--between our boy's upper gum and upper lip needed to be clipped or he'd have hideous dental problems later. "I'll do it right now, if you want," he said. He practically chortled.

No, thanks. We fled his horrible office, reciting things to the boys such as "Not all people are bad." We later found a nice dentist, Doctor Allen Greenberg, who remarked that the "clipping of the frenum" comment was a load of horseshit. "Whoever said that is an idiot," he added.

Now, whenever we drive past Krinick's office, the boys make evil noises. "Not all dentists are bad!" my boys chirp from the back. "But some dentists are very bad!"

Postscript 1: A while back, we decided to go and view a house in New Rochelle. We arrived and noticed that the house stank of cigar smoke. While touring the place (which was dreadful), my husband rounded a corner and came upon the owner...who else but...Doctor Nolan Krinick!

Postscript 2: A while back my boys were playing doctor, which always involves making calls on a telephone.

Younger: Who is this?
Elder: The doctor!
Younger: Can you fix my tummy pain?
Elder: Oh no, I can't do that.
Mommy: I thought you were a doctor.
Elder: Actually, I am an evil dentist. I am Doctor Krinick!

1 comment:

Jack Silbert said...

Methinks the boys might enjoy this old chestnut!