Blah! Gah! Wards!

I have recently been gifted with two lovely awards from two lovely blog friends that I have been late to pass on to other worthy souls.

Here is the first, "The Lindsay."

Your blog went to rehab multiple times and it did it no good.

And the second, the coveted "One Decadent Blogger."

This was not an accident. Why'dja buy a cream-colored carpet anyway when you have pals like me, numbnuts?

I decided, rather than spread these horrors about the InterWebs, I would instead shelve them and re-gift two others that are prettier and more fragrant than a Care Bear's dongle dipped in drawn butter.

From the lovely and talented Anita at A Still and Quiet Madness, an award (below) that helped me realize that my blog was not the spotty, barnacle-encrusted wasteland I had always assumed it to be. Thank you, dear Anita! I shall pass this award on to the deserving Jennifer of Serendipity's Library, for her blog is durned purty and also features a CREEPY DOLL named Charlotte. I adore creepy dolls. I will also send this award the way of J. Lea Lopez of Jello World, whose humorous literary dissections of songs are lovely indeed. I don't know where she will fit this flower-bedecked award on her blog bookshelf, but never mind that!

And from the equally lovely and talented Angela at The Starving Novelist, an award (below) that made me clutch my breast (both, at once) and faint dead away with the honor of it. It is with humility and beatitude that I accept the award below. I shall pass this award on to Lisa at Kicked, Cornered, Bitten and Chased, for there is nothing more lovely than the snout of a monkey or the rubbery lips of a llama. I shall also pass it to one of my special favoritos, Michelle of Greenwoman, for her nature photographs are stunning and make one want to eat mushrooms and wander in the woods speaking to the little people.

Enjoy, you deserving creatures! Pass these awards on as you wish; rules are for the birds. Have a Happy New Year!

After the Rapture: What Was Taken and What Was Left Behind?

The rapture done come and gone, and some things were snatched by God. Others were left behind on this dreadful ball of doom we call Earth. Now we have to live with this nonsense until October, when even these pancakes (below) and their ilk will be destroyed.

These hideous and misshapen pancakes were deemed unfit for the Lord, and were left behind to sink into a fiery crevasse.

Jonathan Snartzhugh, part-time laborer, was Raptured right off his ladder, leaving only a lone chicken nugget which fell out of his surprised maw onto the pavement below.

The shopping cart known as "Big Red" was belched forth from its grave during the Judgment, and carried straight up to the arms of God, who immediately filled it with nutritious organic vegetables and overpriced products from Whole Foods.

Schtincky Teddy was instantly raptured and rose unto Heaven. Mousie, left behind, tried to grab at the ascending ankles of the fragrant teddy bear, but was, alas, too slow.

A good Christian bunny rabbit, about to be caught in a nefarious heathen trap, was raptured right before succumbing to the lure of the bad carrot of Atheistic Irresponsibility. Note: The child in the background was raptured after he fulfilled his "time out" for naughty behavior.

"No." —God

Evil Grubby Baby, aka "The Trumpet of God," decides who shall rise and who shall perish: My Little Pony "Star Shine" version, or The Party Pony?

Star Shine is cast down! Burn, Star Shine, for you are a plastic thing from the bowels of Hasbro, and will not be raptured. You have bulbous eyes. I once loved to comb your hair with the Pretty Purple Comb, but your vanity and licentiousness have doomed you. Your stubby purple wings will fly you only to the Hot Place.