Saturday, February 26, 2011

Shopping Cart Suicide

Oh heartless fate! The cart that I had so recently deemed a killer was actually a bereft mate. Which means (and the heart does quail) that the TRUE killer is still on the loose, somewhere in Mamaroneck. First I saw her seeking her lost life partner down by the river. She lurked near the Honda dealership in the rain.

The very picture of misery, the cart (wrongly framed by this unjust reporter) weeps hot tears in the unforgiving rain.

I drew closer and tried attract her attention, but she spurned me. I thought I heard the whisper of "fie, fie upon you," as her wheels spun softly in the winter rain.
But a day or so later, this is how it ended. Joining "Big Red" in the snow, its mate (I have named her Tawny Kitaen) commits shopping cart suicide. I watched as she fell over in the snow, her wheels spinning with a faint and plaintive "whirr." I tried tossing a few empties and candy wrappers at her to bring her back to life, but it was too late.
Meanwhile, in town, madness ensues! The carts have been domesticated, and are now ordering Chinese food at Little Kitchen. The employee behind the counter is frantically calling 911, but you know how this ends, don't you? That's right, a bloodbath! If this cart doesn't get its order in quick time, it will rear up and crush all the fortune cookies within sight!


Sam Southworth said...

Dear Pony,
I am forever scanning my local paper for quality stories such as the ones you feature, and can find them nowhere. Buncha jibber-jabber about budget cuts and unions. I think you need to be in the 8 o'clock position on MSNBC, and will lobby for that. I mean, this stuff is amazing! Soon the shopping carts will want democracy, and rise up against their dark overlords! I can only hope that you are right there with a camera.

Anonymous said...

Shopping carts are never satisfied. They fill up one day and the very next second they turn around and buy some more. Will it ever end???

Q said...

I have enjoyed getting to know you a bit this morning. Thank you for the smiles.
Now I too will be looking for news worthy events in my city.....
So often I see where a few shopping carts are gathered.... planning a revolt....I shall be carrying the camera from now on just incase I see a cart on the move.
Thank you for the inspiration. I usually look for butterflies and birds while out in the world....I see I need to re-direct my attentions. There is trouble stirring in the parking lots all over America.

Anita said...

Sniff. My heart goes out to the Romeo and Juliet of grocerydom.

May they be reunited within the aisles of the supermarket afterlife.

:-) Seriously, girl. You CRACK ME UP!! ;-D