Sunday, January 1, 2012

The 2012 Apocalypse: A Fragrant Love Story (with exclusive film stills!)


As the Giant Ball of Destructive Space Cheese hurtles toward their home, Sadie "Screwgun" Pickens and Miz Ida Lumplett make their peace with their Lord. "I always knew the pocka-lips would come in 2012!" cries Ida.
While next door, their neighbors—the rich and fastidious Butterworth sisters, Jilly and Betty "Better With Butter" Butterworth—are also facing their fate. The Cheese will crush them as surely as it will their poor yokel neighbors. "Where to hide the valuables?" muses Jilly. "Aw, hell, why am I still a virgin?" bemoans Betty.

Sadie Pickens and Ida Lumplett ain't goin' down without a fight. They plunder their "ammo cupboard" for some weaponry to use against the space mutants that are, no doubt, riding atop the Giant Ball of Destructive Space Cheese!
The Cheese makes contact! The house is rocked as if by a giant explosion. Betty Butterworth loses her pants in the chaos, while Jilly Butterworth loses something more precious...her mind.

"Look, Jilly! Something's creeping up the veranda! Stop that infernal giggling, you idiot! Have you lost your wits?"
Then...the stench assails them. It is unearthly. Betty's mind also snaps, like a crisp cracker. Is all hope lost?

Good God—there is something peering in the window. And it has EYES. Perhaps three eyes in total!
"Perhaps our fragrant visitors are male, Jilly. Perhaps now is my chance to become a woman. For after all, I am not presently wearing pants."
Meanwhile, next door, Sadie "Screwgun" Pickens defies an alien intruder. "You step one foot on my property and I'm a-gonna blast your cheesy hide from here to next Sunday. Stop that simperin,' Miz Lumplett. This ain't no time to git lucky."

With the plunge of a sharp letter-opener, Jilly Butterworth ends the life of her beloved sister. "How...could...you!" groans Betty, as she expires. "I want that cheesy devil out there all to myself, missy," says the perfidious Jilly.

"But Sadie, he's handsome, ain't he? How am I looking?"says Miz Ida.
"Why, he's walking over to the Butterworth sisters' estate! Them damn bitches. I hope they enjoy the stink a' cheese!" fumes Sadie.

Jilly Butterworth is claimed by her new lover. "Pretty blonde lady and Gouda will make excessive love and furry babies. Omgmghphppharggh."

THE END.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ohmmghghghflgl!

Angela V. Cook said...

Well done, you comedic genius! Loved it, lol!

cherie said...

Bwahahaha! What a great way to start the new year!

Love love love

XD

tori said...

*dives over with hugs and riches* PLEASE DON'T FEEL MOROSE! you are a brilliant, glowing orb of hilarity, and Johnny Depp agrees fullbodily. JUST LOOK AT THIS:

"Betty Butterworth loses her pants in the chaos, while Jilly Butterworth loses something more precious...her mind."

Jennifer said...

I think we should create a sister hood of lovely women with a strange sense of humors! This actually made me laugh out loud. So creative and funny.

Carol Riggs said...

Hahaaaa, that is hilarious. I bet you guys had fun!! Very creative. :)

LisaAnn said...

Wish I could have been a fly on the way during this one!

LisaAnn said...

Did I just say "way" in lieu of "wall?"

Bethany C. said...

Not sure if I want to laugh or cut myself. Either way, I was thoroughly entertained :)

love you, freak!

Anita Grace Howard said...

ROFL!!!

I was both appalled and mesmerized ... simultaneously.

Love you and your warped vision, Pony!