Saturday, January 14, 2012

Strange Things I Have Photographed in the Suburbs

In my work as an amateur naturalist, I continue to catalogue the oddities of that savage land known as Suburbia. Here is my latest collection of photographs snapped in the wilds of Southern Westchester.

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something thick and black and previously used by a burglar. 

This Mamaroneck shop features grand-daddies, infants, occasional flames, and one very very small roast turkey. 

So many people ignored this sign. So, so many naked people. What a clothing store!

Is it just me, or is this statue "shaking the dew off the lily"?

$2.00 additional for the large earwig.

"Don't look now, Mary, but there is a giant, grotesque ear with gnarly legs and toenails and shit walking behind you."

Spotted outside that corner bar that's been closed for 3 years now. The creature is fervently hoping it will become a wine/tapas lounge, rather than another dive.  

Speaking of dive bars, this animal spent way too long at the "Town House II"—an establishment that is strictly "teeth optional."

The poster warning of the dangers of marijuana was spotted in a high school health classroom in Mamaroneck. It has little blue testes. Look closely at the hand dangling by his side. Now, wait for it...wait for it...

Okay, NOW I need a stiff drink!

11 comments:

Jack Silbert said...

Oh Pony you've done it again! That tiny tiny turkey must be where they get the meat for the Stouffer's frozen entrees I've been "enjoying" in my new lifestyle.

genecawley@gmail.com said...

Fantastic, Jenny Phresh! Those photos are absolutely insane and disturbing. Will definitely be having many nightmares over them.

Christine Murray said...

Lol! 'Shaking the dew off the lily' may become my new favourite phrase!

Great photos btw.

Marewolf said...

LMAO!!! I love it.

I totally didn't even see the little turkey until you pointed it out.

Anita Grace Howard said...

OMHFunnybone! My boy once found a sign at the fair just outside the petting zoo: Please do not feed fingers to the animals.

GAH! Me wonders how many fingers said animals ate before the zoo keepers got wise. Hmmmm...

LOVED THIS!!

Catherine Stine said...

Love these!
Especially the abandoned stuffed animals. I did a few paintings a while back, of abandoned stuffed animals in the East Village gardens. They really hit my soft spot.

Jaye Robin Brown said...

See, this is why writers and artists are awesome! The noticing. How many people just don't take the time to notice and ponder and laugh. Thanks a bunch for sharing. These are great!

Bethany C. said...

So...smoking weed gives all the boys blue balls and drinking gives women man hands...

I love this country!

Tracey M. Hansen said...

HAHA! LOVE THIS POST! BLUE TESTES ARE AWESOME! SO ARE ALL CAPS! LOL

Jennifer said...

Hilarious! And I completely agree that statue is most definitely in a urinating stance. I must have the name of that shop I have been in the market for a grandaddy for some time now! hahaha great great post.

Anonymous said...

Haha I see those 2 stupid posters every day in class