|Dr. Q.P. Turnipseed. Photo credit: James Turnipseed, Jr.|
|"The giver of this gift has recently been kicked in the nads, and also stopped taking his |
Prozac approximately 2.5 weeks ago. He blames you completely but can only say so with chocolates."
|"This stuffed animal contains within it many layers of meaning. It also contains a small videocamera."|
|"He who gives a pile of stuffed canine nethers to you for Valentine's Day pretty much wants to |
have an orgy with you and your sorority sisters."
|"The person who gave you this stuffed dog plans to tattoo your name on his face. He wants to kill you."|
|"The person who gave you this gift wants to imprison you in his basement in that special room that was built outside of code in 1972. Run and call 9-1-1! Seriously, there are some really weird freaks out there and THIS ISN'T NORMAL."|
|"The giver of this gift is eager to please in many ways. Rowwwff! If you were given the white dog in the background, it probably means that you are coming up short in some manner. Step up your game to satisfy your lady."|
|"The suggestion here is that your love has left the giver bereft and penis-less. He or she will soon expire."|