Friday, January 21, 2011

My Glamorous Office in SoHo

Since I have A Very Important and Extremely Glamorous and Sometimes Dangerous job that involves work that is almost strictly online, I don't necessarily need to go into the office every day. I choose to go into the office on the days when I wake up and say, with fortitude: "Today, I shall have no natural light whatsoever, and shall be alternately overheated and chilled to the bone, depending on the floor in which I wander. I shall also be subject to strange, flickering fluorescence, and the sad knowledge that my office is so far from humanity that no one will ever know if I am actually in residence."

It is sad to say that I often do not choose this option. My photographic evidence, below, will make this all perfectly clear.

Working from my home office. Bucolic marvelousness! Note that the house viewed here is not my house. (Why, how could it be if this image is taken from my window? That would be a paradoxical space-time shifty-poo kind of thing!) Nay, my house is the one that causes the neighbors to use the word "scourge" in a complete sentence.
This is the view from my new office in glamorous SoHo, New York City. I think they are trying to send me a message. That message is "MALIGNANT GNOMES ARE GOING TO BURST OUT OF THAT FREIGHT ELEVATOR AND SWARM ALL OVER YOUR SORRY ASS, AND EAT YOU! You have outlived your usefulness. You will now be eliminated."
I found this mysterious hieroglyphic left behind in my new office. I think it was left by space humanoids, or by that one guy who uses emoticons in all his emails? I have studied it carefully but have learned almost nothing, except that the "clusters" are happy. But wait...the whole things reminds me of a system for collecting stool samples! I have latched onto this business with my usual razor-sharp wrongheadedness. Sample DS15 is tainted. Do not say I did not warn you.
If I work for you and you are reading this and are Very Important, I love my job. Love! Love! And I especially like my new cozy office. I also like the fact that, when I opened the boxes that had been packed from the move while I was away on Christmas vacation, I pulled out a pair of greasy men's size XL long underwear that did not belong to me.



Anonymous said...

Reminds of the scene in office space when they keep moving that Dilbert type guy into a smaller and smaller office. Are they still paying you? gail c.

Anonymous said...

I just heard that the guy who uses the emoticons has designs on your cube fridge.