Monday, May 5, 2008

Nothing Like a Good, Honest Fist Fight

Our luck holds out! Someone came to view the house just this past Saturday, and apparently felt positive enough about it to tell the realtor she intended to bring her mother back in a couple of days. Indeed, the mother would be a vital asset to help finance the purchase. All was well. Then, as the realtor and client were exiting the house, their attention was arrested by the sight of two juvenile men of a swarthy complexion. The boys were engaged in a pitched and noisy fist fight, just up the street.

I don't think this was a "just for kicks" type of fist fight. I think this was the type of activity during which, if it occurred in a schoolyard, other kids might gather around and chant "Kill! Blood! Etcetera." Fists a-flying! Bones a-breaking! And both young men suspended immediately and indefinitely.

The reaction was just as you might expect.

"Aw, look at the cute boys horsing around! That means this is a great family neighborhood!" squealed the client.

"And a great investment," echoed the realtor.

"We'll double our money!" said the client. "I'm calling mumsy right away; she'll be thrilled to help out with the purchase of this home in this fine neighborhood, which is clearly just lousy with family values."

As the boys continued to pummel each other, taking turns slamming the other's head into the sidewalk and staining it a bold crimson, the client smiled gently.

"I like the fact that this neighborhood is diverse, too," she said. "It would be a shame if it were just a bunch of boring, law-abiding lawyers and finance fellows."

"How tiresome such people are!" laughed the realtor lightly.

"Yo, MoFo!" screamed one of the boys. "I'm a-gonna f-up yo ass!" He tossed his rival into one of the handy shopping carts that litter our neighborhood, shoving him in the path of a banged-up, bass-blasting hoopdi driving about 75 down our quiet, tree-lined street. Someone--it could not be certain whom--shouted "pigfucker!" as the car swerved to avoid the boys, punched through the front of someone's house, and burst into flames.

We expect a bid shortly.

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