Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Conference Call I'm On Is Really Boring

Tumdiddletum diddle tum diddle tum.

Inappropriate things to do on a conference call:
Piddle without the mute button on
Sketch rude drawings of participants and post them via live conferencing software
Get into knife fight
Simply drive away in car, leaving phone on table, and go to a matinee
Indulge in loud and acrobatic exercise
Call old friend on other phone line
Make fart noise (unless there are several people on various phone lines, leaving everyone to wonder who really did it)
Audibly shake martini shaker (stirred is better)
Vomit
Speak in sibilant whisper to pet boa snake ("Yesss, my sssweetie!")
Run down the street shouting "Release me! Release me!"
Growl very, very quietly
Shout "Fuck you and all the cretins you work for!"
Shout "Our company is a sham and we are selling you a shoddy bill of goods!"
Punch large hole in wall and toss phone through, preferably whacking neighbor on the head
Announce to group on phone that your parole officer has just arrived
At certain pauses in the conversation, laugh gently yet maniacally under your breath
Repeat an irrelevant word over and over (e.g. "butterbutterbutterbutter")
Give birth

2 comments:

pek said...

arent you supposed to be on maternity leave till (ahem) LATE AUGUST!!!!

Jenny Phresh said...

oh yes, the call i was on was also illegal. as well as boring.