Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I Have Ruined Your Nice Meme

I was recently tagged by the illustrious and maniacal Greenwoman and also by the glamorous and mesmerizing Anita Howard on a "meme" that's been making the blog rounds lately.

I don't know who cooked this meme up, but the questions are vaguely bizarre...maybe even sinister. For example, the meme asks "When was the last time you ate chicken meat?" Why chicken meat? Why emphasize the "meat" portion of it? Why not "chicken claws"?

I do not wish to know when any of you ate chicken meat, much as I love you. Please keep this information to yourselves in future.

I decided that, rather than answer these questions, I am going to investigate the meaning behind them, track down the author of the meme, and make sure she or he is escorted to a suitable home where they can care for those with damaged minds.

But I don't have time for that! So instead, I'm going to switch these questions up, dog. And ask a whole set of new and inane memish questions! And visit them upon you, and your children, and your children's children!

Are you a rutabaga?

When was the last time you ate lion meat?
During that safari which went so horribly awry in 1989.

Upload a heartwarming picture of something that makes you smile.

I actually no likee clowns. This is a joke! Why are you hiding in the woodpile?

If you could go back in time and kick the crap out of someone, who would it be?
Why, that bully from 9th grade, Jujyfruit Assbat!

Name one habit that makes other people plot your demise.
I sometimes hammer nails into people's heads without the slightest bit of warning.

What song would you like to be playing while you are kicking the crap out of someone?
Pink's "So What," or maybe Tchaikovsky

Where da muffin top at?
The muffin top is ineffable, and cannot be found by human hands.

How many goats, stacked atop one another like Yertle's Turtles, would it take to reach the moon?
1,564,768 and 1/2 goat

Describe yourself using obscure Latin words.
Cupiditas Pullanus: Little horse with a party spirit!

Why does evil exist?
Stop right now! This meme is hurting my brains! It's not even a real MEME because I just made it up. It would be a meme if it was actually all over the place and viral, like a bad STD, like that other "chicken meat" meme. People are insane!

What the fuck are you thinking right now?
I'm wishing I had not uploaded that photo of the clown.

Tag 11 blogger friends, or some other random number that suits you. Ha! You can't say "no tagbacks" because I just made up new rules! BOO YAH. Make up your own rules or be enslaved by another blogger's.

1. Justin Holley
2. Cherie
3.  Greenwoman
4. Bethany
5. Tracey Hansen
6. Kalen
7. Mary
8. Angela
9. TS Welti
10. Mrs. Kim
11. Anita

Pick a funny nickname for number 1. 
The Woolly Mastodon.

Make up a rhyme about number 2.
Cherie, Cherie, I sing of thee!
Your name rhymes with that of  J. Holley
and also with that of T.S. Welti!

Where would number 3 hide in the event of the apocalypse?
In the henhouse, in her goat pants.

Where does number 4 purchase her pants?
 She doesn't wear any pants!

What would number 5's favorite dance move be?
Anything that involved not wearing pants.

If number 6 had a war cry, what would it be?
I am Kalen
Hear me roar
I am a fucking awesome writer
And an ac-tor!

Tell number 7 you love 'em. Come on! It won't hurt to say you love 'em!
Aw, gorsh, Mary! I loves ya!

If you and number 8 pulled a prank together, what would you do?
I love the prank with the bucket of water above the door. It's a classic. Come on, Angela. Yes?

Number 9 is fine because...
She's an author! Check out this interview for her new book, The Fifth Specter.

Tell a little story about number 10.
Me and Mrs. Kim go way back. Check out her foodie recipes! Once, she brought salmon mousse on a hike.

Number 11 dreams about...
Insects and faeries and ghosts. Tonight, she will dream about a vast ship on an ocean, and the water filled with sprites, and the moon dancing on the waves. She will not dream about that awful clown. This I wish for her.


Bethany C. said...

I blacked out as soon as the clown face appeared on the screen.

Jenny Phresh said...

Me too, Bethany! That's why the rest of the post MAKES NO SENSE.

Marewolf said...

But Tim Curry was so HOT in Rocky Horror Picture Show! How could he also be so creepy?

And number seven is my most FAVORITEST number EVER! How do you know these things? This is a fun meme!

Can't wait to answer the rutabaga question ;)

I love YOU and your green pony goatpants!

cherie said...

Must. Face. Fear. O_o

{{{Bethany does not wear any pants! }}}

Gasp! *scrambles away*

_I see dead clowns_

Phresh, I have tattoed your rhyme on the sole of my foot.


The Rake said...


I'm thinking it should be Martinius Pullanus, if we were in keeping with your quasi-understanding of Latin.

However, if I have been correct in our marriage all these years, you, my love, are feminine; ergo (that's Latin!): "Pullana".

As such, your new name is Martinia Pullana! ("Martini Pony" which, of course, implies "Party").

Your welcome.

P.S.: Hann is on vacation. AWESOME (sinks)!

Anita Grace Howard said...

ROFLMAO!!! You never disappoint, my green pony! BTW, where'd you find that pic of Camping in his post apocolyptic garb? TERRIFYING.

Riley Redgate said...

This is the best thing that has ever happened to the internet.

T.S. Welti said...

Gahaha! Step away for a few hours and this is what I come back to! I love this meme. Your sprucing up did it justice. I have to say though... I got the tame comment on number nine. And I don't even wear pants! Thank you for tagging me and for the shameless promotion. And, lion meat? Egads! Your evil knows no bounds.

Justin Holley said...

The Mastodon shall gore the clown...yuck. Down with clowns! But lion meat might be good :)

And, why the hell are these things called "memes"? The word makes my skin crawl about, much like like the clown :)

Angela V. Cook said...

Good to know I wasn't the only one stuck with the bizarre "chicken meat" question in my head. It's like asking, "When is the last time you had beef meat?" WTH?

Okay, the prank sounds fun, but do you think we could fill the bucket with something other than water? Maybe something like Nickelodeon GREEN slime? I know--green slime with glitter in it! That would be soooo goat posse-ish! ;-)

As usual, well done, my friend! :o)

traceyhansenwrites said...

Yes I also do not know why these things are called Meme's Odd word. Spooky clown. My pic of something that makes me smile would wither be wine or Ryan Reyolds. OR BOTH! By the way the word I have to spell out below to make sure I am not spam is CLITORUS no joke.

Helen W. Mallon said...

In Flaubert's Salammbo, he crucifies lions.

Mandie Baxter said...

This is too funny! I love it! And sorry, but I liked the clown picture. Love the movie IT!

Anonymous said...


Anita Grace Howard said...

BTW, I dreamt of clowns with spastic colons, so I sent you a card to thank you! Heehee

LisaAnn said...

I've been hearing so much about this illustrious list, and it DEFINITELY exceeds expectations! (I'm kinda grossed out by the "meat" emphasis as well, and I definitely think lion meat captures the essence far better.)

Also, how freaking scary are the clowns in Killer Clowns from Outer Space? I didn't eat cotton candy for like three years after seeing that one for the first time!