Sunday, December 9, 2007

The Same 10 Questions I Always Ask Myself, Part the Fourth

I'm back.

1. What are you wearing?
Fat pants.

2. What's the nature of today's hypochondria?
I think I may be getting a fresh and unforeseen bout of "bad hair."

3. What was today's workout?
A little tightening of the glutes at opportune moments.

4. How do you do what you do and stay so sweet?
I get all hate-y after hours and vent my rage by throwing cheesecakes at the neighbors.

5. What's that burning smell?
The milk-soaked, mung-covered carseat cover scorching in the dryer.

6. If you were an animal, what kind would you be?
Behemoth, the legendary biblical hippo.

7. What are you drinking, and why?
Water. Fresh, clear, delicious water. My whiskey rations were stolen by hoodlums.

8. In what ways hast thou offended?
I felt a frisson of rage when I just heard my two-year-old moving furniture upstairs, 1 hour and 40 minutes after he was placed in his bed. Now I see the lights in our foyer blinking on and off. Just...might...snap! He is at the head of the stairs calling out: "I need some pennies, mommy!" Pennies??!

9. What's the next big thing?
A dark horse independent political candidate named Entwhistle P. Bobolink will arise from a swampy little town in the South and YOU WILL VOTE FOR HIM.

10. Music selection?
I've been working on the railroad, all the livelong day.


Anonymous said...

I find myself interested in question #7. Could you expound a bit? We want to know what you're eating and why. Surely that could be an entire entry in itself. They say you are what you eat, but don't they really mean "why" and not "what"? Food... it's the baggage you eat!

Anonymous said...

Okay, since you're answering questions, here are some more beyond those 10 that inquiring minds want to ask:

11. What do you knowingly do that is really bad?

12. Bottled water—hogwash or mother's milk from Mother Nature?

13. Is gray hair the equivalent of crab grass or are they tiny badges of honor that slowly cover your brain's lawn?

14. Do you cry more easily today than you did 10 years ago?

15. What is your next pet and why?

16. Please tell us your favorite and least favorite smell. (No names, please.)

17. We've all had time to think about this one—Alf Landon or FDR? Be honest, please.

18. Do you prefer your ketchup ON your fries or on the side?

19. What annoying habit of yours would you like to break?

20. What quality do you like most in people?