1. What are you wearing?
2. What's the nature of today's hypochondria?
I think I may be getting a fresh and unforeseen bout of "bad hair."
3. What was today's workout?
A little tightening of the glutes at opportune moments.
4. How do you do what you do and stay so sweet?
I get all hate-y after hours and vent my rage by throwing cheesecakes at the neighbors.
5. What's that burning smell?
The milk-soaked, mung-covered carseat cover scorching in the dryer.
6. If you were an animal, what kind would you be?
Behemoth, the legendary biblical hippo.
7. What are you drinking, and why?
Water. Fresh, clear, delicious water. My whiskey rations were stolen by hoodlums.
8. In what ways hast thou offended?
I felt a frisson of rage when I just heard my two-year-old moving furniture upstairs, 1 hour and 40 minutes after he was placed in his bed. Now I see the lights in our foyer blinking on and off. Just...might...snap! He is at the head of the stairs calling out: "I need some pennies, mommy!" Pennies??!
9. What's the next big thing?
A dark horse independent political candidate named Entwhistle P. Bobolink will arise from a swampy little town in the South and YOU WILL VOTE FOR HIM.
10. Music selection?
I've been working on the railroad, all the livelong day.