Sunday, December 30, 2007

You Put the Ho' Back in Ho-Ho-Ho!

I would like to thank everyone who gave me the Christmas gifts that I so richly deserved and so ardently desired. All the other misguided gift-givers who failed to read my mind will be punished in a future lifetime. Here are some of my personal favorites!

Yummy Soft Slippers: These were homemade by my auntie, and with a Christmas theme. It just proves what you can do with a little resourcefulness and a giant box of Stayfree. If you're in a pinch and your "friend" arrives without warning, just slip the heels off and make do.

The She-Pee: I found this incredibly useful on the car ride back home from New Hampshire. Plus, fire your urine at a tree or at a grass blade just like a man would!

Turtle-shell Massager: I put this on and felt instant relaxation steal over me. I basically wear it everywhere now. Sometimes I hide inside it when the jeers and stares become overwhelming.

Love-Me Monkey: I fell in love with it when I saw it peeping out the top of my Christmas stocking. Thanks, Santy!

Box o' Diamonds: The wrapping on this was clumsily done and rather deceptive, and the big, brown bow was so unusual. But inside I found fistfuls of diamonds! My husband is nice.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The monkey looks like he just pleasured himself. MMMMMMMMM monkey.