Thursday, December 30, 2010

I am the disembodied head inside your Jalapeño pickle can!

I have been pickled, and I am bitter.

Greetings, I am a deeesembodied head that has been pickled in jalapeño brine. As a result, I am very sullen and considerably filled with loathing and rageful thoughts. My name is La Morena, the Brunette. Although I was once a blonde before being cruelly and sadly peeeckled.

My life is dismal and sad, and I am radically pissed. Do you not see me casting a dark look of aspersion into the far and unreachable distance? I am thinking of my former lover, who would not care to see me now! Ah, he would spurn me with his booted foot, and my head would roll with the terrible jalapeños into a deetch or drain and I would be no more.

The jalapeño peppers which surround me are deesgusting. I say that, although I once was familiar with spice in my food stuffs. I float atop their deesgusting awfulness like a cork on a sea of vile and abhorrent speetle! They must menace me from every direction with their horrorful snouts of green, glistening spicyness and badness!

I am not even beheaded properly, for there are deesgusting tendrils of my former neck dangling below my head like some leetle child has cut my head off with dull and blunt sceeesors! Faugh!

I do not any longer care for the jalapeños. If you are in habit of eating them, keep in mind that I am hiding inside the can. Any pepper you poool out of the can could be me! My head! My expression will carry my full condemnation and icy cold crooolty that will freeze your balls or wither your extremities! Be ware of me for I am vairy, vairy disturbed and the pickling has leached my brain of human goodnesses. You have been warned.

1 comment:

Jack Silbert said...

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, not to be confused with Johnny Z's perverse pecker.