1. What are you wearing?
A patina of sweat.
2. What's the nature of today's hypochondria?
Vertigo, and a touch of the cancer.
3. What was today's workout?
Hoisting small boys up and down the stairs.
4. How do you do what you do and stay so sweet?
The blessed, upturned faces of my sweet, pooey angels cleanse my soul.
5. What's that burning smell?
Our grass scorching in the heat.
6. If you were an animal, what kind would you be?
A dessicated frog, lying splayed on the asphalt.
7. What are you drinking, and why?
A bottle of Saranac Belgian White. Water, to wash down the Xanax.
8. In what ways hast thou offended?
I have failed to live up to my full potential in 654 ways, to date.
9. What's the next big thing?
The human race will become extinct in 5,643 years. A mutant gnomelike creature will evolve from the pygmy marmoset, and will gain the gift of language in another 3 million years. They will furiously debate in the existence of the human race on school boards for their future public schools, which will be failing and decrepit due to an act remarkably similar to "NCLB."
10. Music selection?
Laurie Berkner, Buzz Buzz
I like "Pig on Her Head." It makes the kiddies dance like mad!