Monday, May 9, 2011

Eat Me! A Blog Award That Will Swell You Up Like a Tick

I got another blog award. And it's edible! This was a gift from the Most Wonderful Cherie at Ready. Write. Go., who has continued to send me awards and bestow affection on me. Her niceness is unparalleled—maybe only paralleled by that magical bunny that came by yesterday and threw diamonds on my rotting front porch. (Is paralleled the appropriate word? Editor!) Here is the tasty award:

I think it's adorable that a deranged, profane, and usually drunk blogger who calls herself something that sounds vaguely porny like "Party Pony" would be given an award that smells like a Care Bear's vagina. Oh dear, did I just write that? Too late to delete it now. I knew I would soil this award thing sooner or later.
I am going to pass this beauty on to 15 bloggers as required. (This is starting to seem like a bigger Ponzi scheme than ever and I will surely wind up in the poky! Plus, I'm not sure I even know 15 bloggers who don't already have this award because I'm kind of a loser. But maybe I'll stalk a few new ones, who will then call me The Creepy Lady With the Sickly Sweet Pie Made Out of "My Pretty Pony's" Intestines.)

Before then, however, I have a special award for Cherie! At first, I couldn't come up with a gift for her that she didn't already have. But then! I remembered that I am the creator of the Hot Buttered Blog Award and have been hoarding it. And Cherie's blog is pretty well slathered in Hot Butter and deserves this award. Mmm. Butter. Here it is. No rules for this one. Just display and enjoy. More Hot Butter may be ladled out shortly so stay tuned.

Cherie, you are hot buttered!
Now for the sweet, sweet pie award. If you do not forward this to 15 bloggers within the hour your sheep and crops will be blighted. If you do forward it to 15 people you will be deluged by a hail of lifegiving beets, radishes, and hamburger sandwiches. Do not break the chain or I will have to murder you.

I'm giving you this award because something you once wrote or did pleased me. It may have nothing to do with how sweet you are. You may be secretly evil.

The rules:
1. Thank and link to the person who nominated me.
2. Share seven random facts about myself. This will be exhausting if you are a boring, depressed type of individual.
3. Pass the award to 15 blogging friends. This will be exhausting if you are a loser and have few friends.
4. Contact the winners to congratulate them.
5. Display the award on your blog should you desire. If you are a man and wish to maintain a certain level of dignity, you will be allowed and are in fact encouraged to say subversive things about the award.

Salt in Wound

Baked Ziti




Nina Badzin

T.S. Welti

Aurora Smith

Jen Daiker

Jenn Johansson


Nascent Niknud


Sydney Salter

Anna Zagar

7 Random Facts:

1. Rutabagas are amusing.
2. I don't care for ticks.
3. I stopped eating gluten two weeks ago, in the hopes that it will cure my madness. Has it worked? You be the judge.
4. Two of my boys have names that I have rarely heard elsewhere, except for those of a horse and a dog.
5. For one Halloween, I dressed as "ballet pumpkin." I was in my twenties.
6. I always wanted a pony but I never got one. Now I have this blog.
7. I once threw lentils out the sunroof of my car at a passing stranger.


Anonymous said...

Love it! Thanks! :)

cherie said...

Aw thanks, Phresh! I will display the hot buttered award with pride and occasionally dip into it when I'm making toast. It IS inexhaustible, right?

You are so funny! My stomach hurts, or maybe it's diarrhea induced by the shortcake. Either way, I love coming here, especially after writing for 3 hours straight and my brain's fried (with hot butter, no less). I needed the comic relief. ;)

Thanks again! You are golden :)

Anita said...

I vant to eat your blog!


No. Really. They are and I'm so not surprised.

Congrats to all the winners!

T.S. Welti said...

Thank you! I got two awards today. Yay! Plus, I found a new sweet blogger to follow. :)

I definitely don't have 15 bloggers to award this to, so don't feel bad. I'm a loser too. :)

T.S. Welti said...

I had no idea lentils could be used as a weapon. This changes everything....

Thank you for the award! The best part is I found a new blogger to follow.

And, hey, I don't have 15 bloggers to award this to, so don't feel bad. :)

T.S. Welti said...

Oops! Double (now triple) post. :-/

Angela said...

Congrats on your award! The Care Bear vagina thing cracked me up!

Please, don't ever get cured of your madness!! Well, at least not the part of your madness that makes your blog so much fun to read. :o)

Marewolf said...

Another award for moi? And this time, a pie award??

There's so many way I could go with that.

And ironically enough, by captcha is "byssbian". No joke there.

I only wish someone would throw lentils at me. Hey, they're high in fiber.


genecawley said...

Well, I'm a man, and let me tell ya, this award stinks! It's the rottenest award this side of a Henry Mancini album (Believe me, you don't want to be on the OTHER side of a Henry Mancini album. Just take my word on this one).

Now what was I saying? Oh yeah, this is the worst award...

Hey, what the hell have you done to my sheep!?! And all my freakin' crops died! You're a terrible person!

[But, seriously, thank you very much.]

The Rake said...

After reading other comments, some random thoughts:

Alotta Fagina and Ivanna Humpalot (two great characters, by the way).


Butter makes everything taste good including you-know-what. (Yes, that same thing that you stole (i.e., didn't credit me) in your original butter-award-containing post.)

I "knew" a Byssbian back in '91 at the U of M and she rocked!

Lentils also rock. They are a weapon to the gut. (But they have never pleased me as much as a Byssbian.)

Kudos to Cawley calling out Henry Mancini but, for some reason, I couldn't help thinking of Chuck Mangione instead, even though I own his album "Feels So Good", the sound of which might be a proper descriptor for a Care Bear's vagina.

Lastly, I recommend that--should this silly award stuff continue (and it shouldn't because, while it may be fun, it takes you away from some more potentially-compelling writing)--you provide an award to the brilliant, however short-lived blog known in very tight circles as The Drunken Rake.

In closing, I would appreciate that such an award note the Rake's ludicrous but facile use of subordinate clauses, parentheticals, and em-dashes.

Your Rake

P.S. Where the hell is the "Old N.H." fellow in these here comments?!?!?

P.S.S. My captcha code is "balli". Make of that what you will!

Weronika Janczuk said...

Eek. Jenny, I wanted to email you, but I can't find an address. Could you shoot me a line at Thanks!

Anna Zagar said...

First of all, thanks for the award! Second of all, FIFTEEN bloggers? *Curses under breath*.

Anonymous said...

JENNY! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!! um, i don't know 15 bloggers. does count? what about the wikipedia page on fitzgerald?

Marybk said...

Gluten-free pie! I didn't know gluten negatively correlates with sanity. #ExplainsSoMuch

Congrats to all the award winners...

Jenn Johansson said...

LOL! Just awesome. Thanks for the award! :) You're pretty freakin' hilarious and I'm happy I've done something that "pleased" you. ;-)

Carol Riggs said...

Congrats on the award! I had to laugh at "rutabagas are amusing." LOL I'm supposed to refrain from gluten all the time--not that it stops me. ;o)