Monday, May 9, 2011

Wild Shopping Cart Sighting: 5/6/11

Since moving to the suburbs I have long been tracking the habits of wild shopping carts. In their quest to mate, battle for dominance in an ever-dwindling habitat, and collect the most Bud Lite cans and Chinese food takeout cartons, they are noble beasts and well worth this budding naturalist's attention.

Do not stalk them without proper training, however, as some carts can be quite fierce. Many a hopeful amateur naturalist with a camera has been savaged by a seemingly innocent cart.

I urge you to seek my forthcoming book Lesser-Known Shopping Carts of Southern Westchester for more details and some stunning color photographs.

Imagine my delight when I came upon this rare beauty, sunning herself by the local Applebees!

Gently, I drew closer, afraid of startling the creature.
Her pelt was quite glossy, although she seemed thin. Clearly, she had weathered the harsh winter safely. I wondered if perhaps spring would bring her a suitable mate. Could it be that soon there would be a bevy of little shopping carts to grace our streets, wobbling forward on rickety, moist legs? Rapture.
But Man, cruel Man, always interferes. He cannot leave nature alone. He must tame it, subdue it, break its spirit! Not long after, I spied this magnificent cart being corralled by a posse of young hooligans. They lashed at her and laughed with much sniggering and foul language. Was this free and wild cart to be used for sport—perhaps even as a diversion at children's birthday parties?
But lo, she broke loose! With the hooligan clinging desperately to her back, she galloped with abandon to free herself. I could hear her triumphant whinny as she reached the crest of the hill. The hooligan screamed in terror. They vanished.
Later I shall go down to the river's edge and look for her again. It must be days before she recovers from this insult. No doubt the hooligan's broken body is floating out to sea. His friends, sad yet wiser, will not lightly approach a shopping cart again!


Marewolf said...

lol!! Wild shopping carts, indeed! There are a TON of these creatures around my work. As a matter of fact, there are two living *in* my office that is used to go around and collect the mail.

One very slow day after thanksgiving, a co-worker and myself set out to tame the wild beasts. We were unsuccessful. He's still out on "vacation time".


The Rake said...

Gitty Up!

Anita said...

Fie on those evil hooligans! Down with the abuse. And those poor sea dwellers, having dead bodies dumped into their abode. I say we form an organization to preserve these beautiful creatures and their habitats.

PETCO~People for the Ethical Treatment of Carts and Octopi.

Oh, wait! There's already such an organization! I'll go there today (have to get dogfood anyway) and make a donation in your name, my custodial friend, Jenny P.

Angela said...

Oh my goodness, you creative genius you ;o Thanks for putting a smile on my face this morning :o)

Bethany C. said...

I had the pleasure of getting to know one of those rare, and gentle creatures. I was seventeen, my older sister nineteen. Our recently divorced mother was in Hawaii with her beau so we were left to our own devices.

Unfortunately, I don't remember a lot of that particular evening--there was a keg of beer involved and a lot of angry neighbors, but what I do recall is that that shopping cart provided me and my sixty closest friends a heck of a lot of fun.

Thanks for the trip down memory lane.
(If you ever do a post about throwing dynamite smuggled across the US/Mexico border onto the freeway--let me know. I can contribute)

cherie said...

Yay! The wild shopping carts are back. I wanna see baby carts!

How come they don't ever gallop in my neighborhood? Pshaw! The people here are boring. =(